Allison Renee is 2!

Well, I think the picture speaks for itself, our little baby has become a little girl (Sniff). More pictures coming soon. Things I've learned about Ally:

• She can be very picky, and not picky at all.
• Yellow is her favorite color.
• She loved kitties until she got a puppy.
• She is a little slow to warm up to new things.
• She'd rather her hair be down and a mess instead of combed, bowed, and beautiful.
• She LOVES to color
• She LOVES to read.
• She only signs when she feels like it.
• When I work twelves, she makes up for lost time by wanting to "nuggle."
• She likes wearing skirts.
• She likes wearing headbands.
• She loves to swim.
• She loves things that are under the sea or ocean themed.

H.A.L.T.

So this past month, I feel like I've been hit with this apathy bug. Idk if it's just having a toddler, the fact that I have to drive so far to work, or that my job is fairly physical and pulls so much out of me, but I cannot seem to get motivated to do ANYTHING good for ME. Take my vitamins today? Eh. Maybe. Go for a walk/ jog? Eh. If I have time I guess. Eat a balanced meal? Mmm, how about I'll eat vegetables with the next meal.
And on and on it goes.
Normally I'd get really frustrated, but it's kinda more like discouraged at this point. I just go to bed and say I'll try again tomorrow. The one thing that has greatly improved is my Quiet Times (QTs). I got to were I'd go a month between reading the bible, and then would get mad at GOD for feeling so far away! God is so great with boundaries, if I'm giving distance He will respect it. He will still show me every now and then that He misses me, and show me the hunger for Quality Time that He has.
After several times of trying to make a commitment to do better, I finally feel like I have, and QTs are several times a week (Yessssssss). I feel so much better. I feel connected again and it's brought so much peace for the trials that I'm facing right now. Which takes care of the Loneliness factor.
I just keep praying that everything else starts to fall into place that way. I'm just praising God for His patience with me, bc it took a while to get just the QTs worked out. Al- Anon has an saying: HALT! Never let yourself get to Hurgery, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. If you do and can't figure out what is wrong or how you feel HALT.
So I guess this blog entry is a way to work through that to hopefully take care of myself better. My idea to help me through this anti-take-care-of-me phase is trying to ask myself about mid day "Is there anything else I can do to take care of myself today?" That way if there is I can try to fix it before I pick up Ally. But we'll see if this works.
So my question is: What has anyone else done to get through a slump? Did anything help motivate you?

Bedtime

So Allys just gone through another super teething phase and I think we're on the down hill slide. Lately she wasn't making it through the night and would end up sleeping with us... now its like someone's replaced her again with this perfect baby. For example, right now I give her her favorite blanket, pass and a rocking hug. She snuggles me (who doesn't love that), I lay her down and she waves bye at me, AND THAT'S IT. No screaming no pass throwing, no standing up, nada. She stays put in her crib AND FALLS ASLEEP!! WHO DOES THAT? WHO'S TODDLER IS THIS? and PRAISE GOD BTW for giving is the tools to walk with her through the eb and flow of routine. I'd love to hear more bedtime horror and praises. anyone?

The Year in Review

 
So with Ally about to turn one, I thought we'd do a small recap of her birthday. So, about a week before I got bronchitis, and could. not. breathe. The doc put me on maternity leave PTL and I stayed up doing breathing treatments etc, but needless to say, I was coughing like crazy. Fastforward a week, and the coughing is better, but I'm dialating, and having Braxton Hicks. After a romantic evening at home, I get restless about 9 pm on the 23rd. I do all the tradition things, Tylenol, 2 liters of water, rest, back massage, shower, they're went from every 7 minutes to every 5 minutes. Aw-oh. John, who was in denial, now would like to go get checked out... and I'd like to stay at home...bc God forbid this isn't the real deal... I do not want to be embarassed and then drive an hour back home to be labeled a "faker." After in a scramble, John forgot to pack up the car, and then once we were actually ready to go, we headed an hour east to Yukon, OK to LDRP. We got there around midnight, then sat in the triage room for 2-3 hours(and didn't sleep), before they decided I was going to stay bc I dialated to 4 cm, and we were gonna do this thing. Interestingly, I was told that I'd be able to walk around, take a shower, get in the tub etc, which quickly changed. The suggestion to the nurse gave her that freaked out look, which I know I've made before, and so I would pace up and down in my room when I got up to go to the bathroom. ;-) Godmom arrived from Denton, Pitocin was turned up SEVERAL times, and we were hangin' in there. Around 5 PM, I'm still a 4... and no epidural or pain meds, but now it's time to break my water... I could not relax. Her head was stuck on my pelvis... and I decided I was done. Epidural time. My body actually got a chance to relax since the Pit was maxed and my contractions were back to back. Thank God for the epi, within an hour I was a 10. Then, the puking began. I puked 10 TIMES. The best part about all of this was that my support system was SO FANTASTIC. Even the nurses kept making comments about how wonderful my husband was and how lucky I was, and really between him and Marti... it was beautiful. When it was time to puke again we just took care of it and kept going. Finally we pushed... forever. I had been told the staff would be ok with alternate pushing positions... turns out they were NOT. I pushed on my back... which helped anyway since she was side scraping my pelvis. She came out with skid marks... but she was alright. Early, with some grunting at first, but WONDERFUL. I think we both just stared at her for what felt like forever. Things got really difficult after that b/c she quit eating...got jaundiced and dehydrated and hospitalized... but somehow we made it. And her theme song became "Yellow" by Coldplay. :-D.

Well, lately, the toddler demon has taken over my sweet wonderful baby and turned her into this independent, fit throwing, more complete person. It's wonderful, but requires a lot of patience. It just had made me think of all the times I ask God for things, and feel like a 2 year old doing it. Lately I've also been rereading Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. God TRULY is perfect in all things including His relationship with us. Even when we act like two year olds we get space without anger or guilt and then HE HELPS US work through it to figure it out. WOW. Why we deserve that, I don't know. I just really feel like I just went through that with Him, but I see it more now with Ally.
For example: Ally wants EVERYTHING and frequently wants things that really don't make much sense. It's such an amazing time bc she is exploring her environment to learn, gain self esteem, trust, and autonomy. IT'S SO COOL (sigh, I love child development). Everyday, we go through Ally attempting to hunt down the cats in order to eat them i.e.stick them in her mouth. She screams and cries when we take them away (to save them from certain death by slobber). While eating the cats is not appropriate, I really do understand that she cannot learn about who/ what this object is without experiencing it orally. So everyday, I help her experience the cats in a different way...with hands, and maybe once, if the cats will allow it, she'll actually get to put the cat's tail in her mouth so she can learn. Eventually, the more times we've helped facilitate her learning about the cats, in an appropriate way and occassional mouthing, the fits have become less. She is gentle, and she doesn't have to try to eat the cats.
How much more does God do that with us. "God? I want this!" "Well, ok, I hear you, tell me about it. What you want is not appropriate for you or the situation or this time in your life etc. But come to me with your burden and we'll get through it together." Then, occassionally, there is some fit throwing, some serious time outs, and then after FOREVER, things seems to make a bit more sense.
Hopefully I am making sense. :-D Don't get me wrong, there are times when God has changed His mind, but I'm just saying in these kind of situations, I Praise Him for His patience, b/c I need it as a SERIOUS example in my life right now, and everytime Ally tries to eat dirt, the cats, trash, choking hazards, etc.

Expecting Great Things

So, the Christian radio station I listen to up here has been challenging people to ask God to surprise them by praying "Surprise me God." I thought "Hmm. Maybe." I didn't want to get too crazy b/c I'm still kinda working through anger and I don't want to jump into not being ok yet. ;-) Anyway, the dj asked people to call in if God had surprised them. I decided I would. I called in and talked about God finiacially providing for my trip to Russia just a week or less before I was supposed to leave and the dj ended up playing it (the edited version) on the radio. John and I were listening to it, and it got me thinking. "Why don't we expect big things from God anymore?" I started thinking of all the neat ways over the past 7 years or so that God has totally gone above and beyond to show me how great He is, and just what He CAN do.
I got to thinking about my greatest fears with raising Ally and I can trust that John and I can raise her in the way that God desires and that she will become a Great Woman of God, and that the mistakes we make will be fixable, and NOT completely dysfunctional. I've been parenting with more confidence. More serenity. Less worry.
So, what are some other parent fears you have (even if you don't have kids), and how are you expecting great things from God with your kids/ future kids?

Lessons I learned from my "queen"

I never ever ever thought in a million years I'd be talking about something like this... back in the day, John won a Dallas wide contest to play for Charity Challenge on Ice by dressing up in drag and singing. His sisters helped him dress up. It super freaked me out bc he seemed SO into it as evidenced by the pictures. I really was afraid that deep down he wanted to be in drag... I mean come on, he has 4 younger sisters! Exit testosterone stage left! Then I would be the fool who's alone in 10 years.

Now fastforward to 5 + years later and John is invited to be in the Mr. Relay for Life fundraiser for Mr. Relay (now cue freaked out feelings and insecurities). Their job is to go around in costume persuading the crowd for donations to stick in their purse, followed by the "Talent" competition were most men just lip sang and danced. John decided to take this to the next level by singing, acting, and dancing...and won (youtube search blondie shellbomb). This year, he won, again. John has always been an all or nothing guy, and for one reason or another, he also really likes challenging social norms. I've always been pretty bothered by this, logically, bc well... who isn't. He just loves that it bothers people, so he bothers them some more...I guess. I then discovered the show "RuPaul's Drag Race" in an effort to understand why guys dress in drag. I didn't get much help in that department but it helped me realize how NOT like that my husband is. Sometimes I wonder if being and staying in a character bc that's easier than answering the questions they have about themselves but Idk. I'll have to add it to my list of things to ask God someday.

Anyway, all this to say that so many things have changed since we've had Ally; our relationship, how we work together, the way we treat each other, etc. It's been so neat to watch John morph and mature into this more incredible man. I just had no idea that was one of the awesome things God would do when he showered us with the blessing of a surprise baby. I was so freaked out...and God made it into an awesome thing...like usual...

So when it was Relay time again this year, I just really didn't think twice about helping. I did the works. Make up, hair styling, hair dying, and jewelry placement. And, honestly, I think I rocked it! ** See above. He decided he wanted to be Tina Turner, so he became "Gina Turner." So RuPaul eat your heart out. My baby is Beautiful and me helping instead of running brought us closer together.